How to Choose real Friends (Eye-Opener)
Choosing right friends is not an easy task, Imagine yourself surrounded by your idols, how would you like to see those people interacting and having an insightful conversation with you.
But, in my case, it was just the opposite
I used to hang around, with people that are massively unproductive and are time eaters.
a few years ago I did not know much, time management, or to “how important it is to have a goal in life.I used to make fun of our teachers and my classmates, teasing others and mocking had become a routine.
I was roaming here and there, parties and having fun, until one day, everything crashes in front of me. I just got out of school, and My life became completely blank, I did not know what to do, which career to pursue.
I was lost and confused, regret all around myself, I was in tears looking at the ceiling like a man craving for water to quench his thirst.
I was looking for something, probably my purpose in life.
have you ever felt like this?. Have you ever imagined yourself to be in a situation where everything is snatched from you in a blink of an eye?
you know, hanging around with people who are not productive or helpful enough is self-sabotaging.
You never know whether your social circle is good enough for you until you find yourself stuck.
My Story and Who is a real friend ?
He is a Friend no More Who don’t have the Same Goal as You. In other word a real friend is that person, who share equal goals and vision as you, he or she will be in the same path that you are in. A real friend helps you to grow and improve, while sharing mutual experience and lessons.
Tell me, how many of you have heard this quote –
“A friend in need is a friend indeed”, but This only resembles the one side of a friendship but there are many,which I am going to tell you through my own life exprience”.
When I was in school, I had a friend named Abhishek. We were Like best buddies. We used to share our lunch and relish all our school time. those Moments were amazing. Time passes by, His father is a government doctor. when we were in Class 9. “He got transferred to a different city”
I was feeling like something has been seized away from me, I missed my friend. This is so-called Immature friendship. Peculiar though greeted me, Still there are some of my friends with whom I can share my beautiful school life but Abhishek was my best friend.
Finally, I passed class 12. “Yea finally school over ” — was my Whatsapp status.
In the meantime, I and Abhishek were still in touch. He used to call me in his spare time. But the conversation doesn’t seem interesting enough and“eventually leads to boredom” and I used to hang up the phone. That day He saw my WhatsApp status and called me.
The conversation didn’t go quite well. It made me realize something which is that “when our goals are separated, you cannot be on the same path”
Slowly, we started talking less. I thought of him as my best friend when I was at a young age. When I look back today, I realized that the people who I hang out afterwards turns out to be a fortune for me, they taught me life lessons, the power of reading books and always guided me to something new.
Why you need a friend ?
Definitely but first, what is the definition of a friend?
Believe it or not, a friend is someone who shares the same path and a friend is someone who has mutual goals as you.
Now when I see Abhishek’s WhatsApp status smoking, drinking, and squandering his father’s money, I feel bad. So should we also call him a friend? , probably no, that would be an accurate answer.
Think, do you ever call someone a friend who is not like you, who don’t share the same approach in life as you.
“In short, A good friend can be called as someone who is in the equal route, Who drives you and embracing your virtues in life and assisting you to grow”.
A friend could be
- your parents
- your life partner
- your cousin
- A Life coach/mentor.
- _____________choose wisely
Don’t try to make them your friends who don’t have anything to give you nor you can contribute any useful things to his or her life.
“think before you speak and watch the friends you keep”
The Science Behind Choosing a Friend
This is no more a myth, my friend. Your social group can make you successful as well as can compel you to dig your own grave.
To know this better, you have to understand the simple work of your brain.
That is the Mirror Neuron System:-
Mirror neuron system is a group of specialized neurons that “mirror” the actions and behaviour of others. The involvement of the mirror neuron system (MNS) is implicated in neurocognitive functions (social cognition, language, empathy, the theory of mind) and neuropsychiatric disorders. MNS discovery is acknowledged to be the most prominent landmark in neuroscience research during the last decade. Hence Mirror neuron system makes you similar to that person you hang out with ( friends ). Choose your friends wisely.
in simple words, your brain tries toimitate the other person, i.e — you tend to become like the person you hang out with.
Therefore, you become who you associate with.
Jim Rohn has once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
There is also another interesting theory that I found out recently, which is that — You have around 11 million sensory receptors in your body and some experts also believe that approximately 10 million of them are dedicated to sight.
Therefore, just think how important it is to associate yourself with the right environment as your vision is the key factor that builds your character.
As James Clear, the author of “Atomic habits” once said that — You become the person not because you wanted it but because of your environment and where you are.
Who Do We Choose as a Friend?
Models of friendship show that there are two main categories of factors that influence our choice and pursuit of potential friends: individual factors and environmental factors. Individual factors include such influences as approachability, social skills, self-disclosure, similarity, and closeness. Environmental factors include influences such as proximity, geography, activities, and life events affects our friend choosing factors.
Research continues to support our preferences for friends who we believe to be similar to ourselves and who have personalities that we enjoy being around; choosing friends such as these most likely decreases the possibility for interpersonal conflict.
Do “Looks” Really Matter while choosing a Friend?
Level of attractiveness also comes into play during the initial stages of friendship. Americans tend to be drawn towards beauty, and we tend to believe that attractive people are more like us in their attitudes and values, regardless of where we rank in the world of beauty or style.
Researchers have explored this seemingly innate attraction to attract people and have found out some interesting things. For one, an attractive face tends to feel familiar to us—we feel like we have already interacted with this person previously, even if we have not. So, Yes looks matter while choosing a friend to some extent.
This feeling of recognition may partly explain why we might be drawn initially to an attractive person—their presence may help us feel comfortable in a social situation. However, it is still unproven that attractive women actually have more friends than less attractive women.
In fact, research tends to show that we pretty much choose friends who we would rank at about the same level of attractiveness that we rank ourselves—the same way we tend to choose long-term romantic partners who are similar to us in their level of attractiveness.
How do Friends and your Social Circle affect your life?
the simple meaning of a social circle is a group of people who hang out together having similar goals in life. Therefore a friend is someone who most probably will have the same goals or vision as you.
That is why you start to see less interaction after school with the same classmate you hang around in the school. This is the Brutal Truth.
There are so many people, who waste an opportunity for growth and development, just because they are not in the right social group.
What your Social group should be like?
well, I am no one to judge with whom you should hang around, But,
if you are crazy-ass motivated in improving yourself and finding your deepest strengths then you definitely want to follow these recommendations—
- Hang around with people who are more successful people than you.
- Keep a few people in your life whom you can help in the same path.
- Keep a few people who are ready to assist you in a dignified way.
some people just like to take favors from others, without asking anything in return, they are nothing but your time eaters, stay-aways from them.
Stay away from People who always judge you for no reason.
How to choose Real Friends-
- Choose a Friends that motivates you as well as challenge you to strive for betterment
- The right friends should be having a growth mindset, who always teach you something new
- Moreover, always choose friends from which you can learn something as well as you get the chance to teach something to them in return.
- Choose those friends who keep upgrading themselves in terms of self-growth and embrace the simplicity of life
- Friends should be able to listen to you as well as willing to support you in tough situations
What type of People Should be in your Social Group?
Your social group can make you successful.
let’s learn from this example, imagine you are in a station waiting to get into a train. The platform is crowded with people who want to board in the same train.
A long sounds echos through your ears, the train is finally arriving at the stations, people are screaming and you tried to jump in.
There you are at the front gate, trying to get into the train. Hundred of people pushed you forward into the train and you finally got in.
- The Train — As your life’s opportunity
- The platform — As your skillsets
- The people — The individual you know daily
- The people who pushed you — Your well-wished
Now, my point is that, when you surround yourself with like-minded people, who resemble your dreams and vision. Who always teaches you something new and innovative then Always keep those people in your life, because
They will always push you forward in the right direction.
These are some of my opinions on “ How your social group can make you successful”. Was it helpful, comment below and Share this with someone who needs to have great people in their life.